I've been here - at the Edge - before. Not this particular Edge, but an Edge.
At the end of last year, I and four of my colleagues on staff at the church we served became casualties of some major budget cuts.
Lay offs… cutbacks… downsizing… reduction in workforce.
Whatever you call it… it’s an edge.
I can’t speak for any of my four co-workers – and wouldn’t want to – about their experiences these past several months. I can only speak of mine.
My Edge has been an Edge of the Unknown. Lots of questions… very few answers. There have definitely been times when the looming drop-off of the Edge has been scary – almost to the point of overwhelming. Almost.
I don’t know what people who have been laid off from other types of jobs or careers have gone through, what questions they’ve asked and wrestled with. I don’t know if they were the more pragmatic, “What job can I get next/What do I do now?” or the deeper, more introspective, “Who am I now?” type of questions. For me, they have been the latter type for the most part.
I’ve been in local church-congregational-pastoral ministry for almost twenty-five years. I’ve joked with another minister friend of mine that I’ve not had a real job in nearly a quarter century! I can’t speak with the perspective of those in other professions but, for me, ministry hasn’t been my work – oh, to be sure, I have worked and worked hard at ministry over countless hours – it has been my identity… it’s been who I am.
I can’t speak for any of my four co-workers – and wouldn’t want to – about their experiences these past several months. I can only speak of mine.
My Edge has been an Edge of the Unknown. Lots of questions… very few answers. There have definitely been times when the looming drop-off of the Edge has been scary – almost to the point of overwhelming. Almost.
I don’t know what people who have been laid off from other types of jobs or careers have gone through, what questions they’ve asked and wrestled with. I don’t know if they were the more pragmatic, “What job can I get next/What do I do now?” or the deeper, more introspective, “Who am I now?” type of questions. For me, they have been the latter type for the most part.
I’ve been in local church-congregational-pastoral ministry for almost twenty-five years. I’ve joked with another minister friend of mine that I’ve not had a real job in nearly a quarter century! I can’t speak with the perspective of those in other professions but, for me, ministry hasn’t been my work – oh, to be sure, I have worked and worked hard at ministry over countless hours – it has been my identity… it’s been who I am.
"I don’t do ministry… I am a minister."
At least, that’s how I’ve self-identified for years. And, now, I find myself at this Edge.
Who am I? What is my purpose? God, what do you want of me?
Those are the questions that echo off this Edge.
Thankfully – even though there continue to be some very lonely times, times of nearly overwhelming sadness, and a ton of unanswered questions – there continues to be clear evidence of God caring and providing for me and my family. There have been the obvious moments of provision when an unexpected card arrives in the mail with an equally unexpected check inside along with a note of encouragement. There have been some times for formal ministry – when I have preached at a friend’s church or done funerals for members of our congregation. I’ve also been given the gift of being able to write the curriculum for our congregation’s summer children’s camp.
Some of the provisions have been clearly identifiable like that. I am certain, though, that there have been and will continue to be times of God’s provision that I just don't recognize. I’m in good company there.
The people of Israel had followed Moses’ lead out of their bondage of slavery in Egypt. I imagine that many (most?) of them thought they were past the Edge now. But they, really, were just getting there. Their Edge hadn’t been slavery. It was the Edge of faith and faithfulness. Would they believe and trust in God? Would they follow… not just out of Egypt, but in all parts of life?
In the midst of their prolonged time on the Edge – forty years of wandering, remember – God provided for them. On their way out of Egypt, God arranged for the Egyptians to provide materially for the Israelites. God provided them with clear instructions for how to live in the Ten Commandments and the other guidelines he gave them through Moses.
But those wandering, newly freed people didn’t recognize all of God’s provisions. One of my favorite parts of their story (which you can read in the Bible’s books of Exodus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy) is about one such provision they didn’t recognize but came to depend on.
The people were concerned that their food supplies were getting low and they were getting hungry. They cried out to God to feed them. (Actually, the Bible says “they grumbled”.) So God sent a thick morning dew. When it had evaporated, in its place – all over the ground – the people saw “a fine flake-like thing.” They asked, “What is it?” because they didn’t know what it was and, certainly, didn’t recognize it as God’s answer to their grumbling prayers. Moses told them, “This is the bread God is providing for you.” Exodus 16:31 says, “Now the House of Israel called its name manna.”
Manna. We know what that is. We’ve heard of it before. We’ve even seen it in movies of this story. Manna – the bread God gave his people throughout all their years of wandering. But, they didn’t know what it was when they first saw it. They didn’t recognize God’s provision. Their lack of recognition is memorialized forever in what they called it – manna. The word in Hebrew means “What is it?”
Throughout their extended stay on the Edge, God provided for his people. Every morning the “what is it?” – the manna – would fall and their needs would be met.
As I stand at this Edge, I look around for God’s provision. Some is obvious. Some… not so much. Still, I take the manna – my own “what is it?” – and trust God’s love and grace and provision. I take encouragement from and trust in the words of Romans 5 –
Thankfully – even though there continue to be some very lonely times, times of nearly overwhelming sadness, and a ton of unanswered questions – there continues to be clear evidence of God caring and providing for me and my family. There have been the obvious moments of provision when an unexpected card arrives in the mail with an equally unexpected check inside along with a note of encouragement. There have been some times for formal ministry – when I have preached at a friend’s church or done funerals for members of our congregation. I’ve also been given the gift of being able to write the curriculum for our congregation’s summer children’s camp.
Some of the provisions have been clearly identifiable like that. I am certain, though, that there have been and will continue to be times of God’s provision that I just don't recognize. I’m in good company there.
The people of Israel had followed Moses’ lead out of their bondage of slavery in Egypt. I imagine that many (most?) of them thought they were past the Edge now. But they, really, were just getting there. Their Edge hadn’t been slavery. It was the Edge of faith and faithfulness. Would they believe and trust in God? Would they follow… not just out of Egypt, but in all parts of life?
In the midst of their prolonged time on the Edge – forty years of wandering, remember – God provided for them. On their way out of Egypt, God arranged for the Egyptians to provide materially for the Israelites. God provided them with clear instructions for how to live in the Ten Commandments and the other guidelines he gave them through Moses.
But those wandering, newly freed people didn’t recognize all of God’s provisions. One of my favorite parts of their story (which you can read in the Bible’s books of Exodus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy) is about one such provision they didn’t recognize but came to depend on.
The people were concerned that their food supplies were getting low and they were getting hungry. They cried out to God to feed them. (Actually, the Bible says “they grumbled”.) So God sent a thick morning dew. When it had evaporated, in its place – all over the ground – the people saw “a fine flake-like thing.” They asked, “What is it?” because they didn’t know what it was and, certainly, didn’t recognize it as God’s answer to their grumbling prayers. Moses told them, “This is the bread God is providing for you.” Exodus 16:31 says, “Now the House of Israel called its name manna.”
Manna. We know what that is. We’ve heard of it before. We’ve even seen it in movies of this story. Manna – the bread God gave his people throughout all their years of wandering. But, they didn’t know what it was when they first saw it. They didn’t recognize God’s provision. Their lack of recognition is memorialized forever in what they called it – manna. The word in Hebrew means “What is it?”
Throughout their extended stay on the Edge, God provided for his people. Every morning the “what is it?” – the manna – would fall and their needs would be met.
As I stand at this Edge, I look around for God’s provision. Some is obvious. Some… not so much. Still, I take the manna – my own “what is it?” – and trust God’s love and grace and provision. I take encouragement from and trust in the words of Romans 5 –
"We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces
endurance, and endurance produces character, and character
produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s
love has been poured into our hearts through the
Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”
– Romans 5:3-5 (ESV)
You may not be at an Edge… or, you may be. Wherever you find yourself, look around. Do you see God’s provision? Are you experiencing it? Not just the obvious – which is certainly worthy of celebration – but the manna, the “what is it?” that God is pouring into your midst?
Eat up! The manna is all around...
on the Potter’s Wheel.
