Depression sucks.
Quite literally, it sucks the energy, the joy, the hope, the motivation right out of you. Depression sucks the perspective and the drive out of you. At times, it can even suck the “you” out of you.
I know. Maybe you do too.
Long ago, in the days of the Kings of Israel, there was a man who knew the impact of depression – how life draining it is. He didn’t simply know about it academically or intellectually or clinically. He knew depression experientially.
His name was Elijah.
Yes – that Elijah. The prophet. The guy the New Testament book of James lifts up as an example of a “righteous man” whose prayers were “powerful and effective”. The man of God who prayed for a drought and three-and-a-half years later prayed for an end to the drought… and had both prayers answered. Elijah – who took on the false “prophets of Baal” atop Mount Carmel and won.
That Elijah. He knew the impact and the pain of depression.
Not sure if you believe that? Read his story in 1 Kings 17-19. Following several decisive victories and amazing demonstrations of faith and God’s work in and through him, Elijah crashes into depression. Following his victory on Mount Carmel, Elijah gets a message from the Queen – Jezebel. She’s angry and threatens to kill him. Let’s pick up on Elijah’s story here…
“Then he was afraid, and he arose and ran for his life and came to Beersheba, which belongs to Judah, and left his servant there. But he himself went a day's journey into the wilderness and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he asked that he might die, saying, “It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers.” And he lay down and slept under a broom tree.”
(1 Kings 19:3-5a)
Elijah – this mighty man of God – was done. Depression had crashed down on him like a massive sneaker wave. He never saw it coming. It called everything into question for him. It sucked the hope, the joy, the motivation, the energy right out of him. He sat down under the broom tree… and he was done.
Over the past several months, I’ve followed Elijah out to this lonely place and sat down under my own broom tree. I’ve felt my joy, my hope, my energy and motivation drain away. I’ve known what the Sons of Korah express in Psalm 42:3 – “My tears have been my food day and night…”
Elijah sat down under the broom tree… worn out, drained, disheartened… and couldn’t see a way ahead any longer. He was so worn down that he fell asleep right there on the hard ground under the broom tree. He was done.
Or so he thought.
His sleep was interrupted by an angel. ..
“And behold, an angel touched him and said to him, “Arise and eat.” And he looked, and behold, there was at his head a cake baked on hot stones and a jar of water. And he ate and drank and lay down again. And the angel of the Lord came again a second time and touched him and said, “Arise and eat, for the journey is too great for you.” And he arose and ate and drank, and went in the strength of that food forty days and forty nights to Horeb, the mount of God.”
(1 Kings 19:5b-8)
Under the broom tree – despairing, worn, drained, confused and hurting – Elijah was met by a messenger from God.
“Get up and eat. Have something to drink.”
More rest. Again, the angel comes, “Get up and eat. Have something to drink. Take care of yourself. You need your strength.”
And then the words Elijah probably didn’t expect to hear…
“God’s not through with you yet.”
Under the broom tree – I’m listening. I’m looking around. I’m wondering…
“Is that your voice, God?”
God was not done with Elijah. He travelled for more than a month through the desert, down to Mount Horeb – also known as Mount Sinai. Yes, that Mount Sinai. It was there, standing in a cave, that Elijah had the most vivid experience of God in his life. In the midst of that time, God asked this man twice, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” Both times, Elijah let loose with his complaint, his pain, his despair.
And God listened.
And God corrected Elijah’s misconceptions.
And God gave Elijah his next set of assignments. Not as flashy and exciting as influencing the weather or defeating amazing odds in a test of faith. But, arguably, a more influential ministry than everything else he had done previously. (Read 1 Kings 19:9-18)
Under the broom tree, Elijah was done. God wasn’t.
Under the broom tree, I have felt done. God – I trust, believe and, yes, hope – isn’t.
I’ve been seeing glimpses of what may be ahead. Still some confusion and fear in me, I’ll admit. Not sure if I have the energy to make the journey ahead. But… I want to get up, leave the broom tree behind, and live in the wonder of God’s presence and plan.
There’s a place near to the broom tree… it can sometimes feel the same… but it has more purpose. It’s,
on the Potter’s Wheel.
