“8 For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. 9 Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. 10 He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. 11 You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many.”
- 2 Corinthians 1:8-11 (ESV)
What a year it has been. Quite probably the most difficult year in my life… and that’s saying a lot.
Ten years ago, my oldest son (then an almost fourth grader) was very sick with an infection in his bone marrow. He spent weeks of his summer vacation with a catheter in his chest, through which we gave him IV antibiotics three or four times a day around the clock. The week that he was given “a clean bill of health” and had the catheter removed, my Dad had two strokes that severely impacted his left side and his ability to speak. Months later, just after Dad was able to leave the rehab hospital, my son’s “clean bill of health” came due… the infection was back. He had to return to the hospital for a bone biopsy and spent the next several months on huge dosages of antibiotics.
Until 2009, 1999 had been my toughest year.
2009 began with my lay off from the church staff where I had served for six years as the Director of Pastoral Care/Pastor of Member Care and Counseling. It has been quite a year! I have wrestled with how to express all that this year has brought to me and my family. I’ve wrestled with how to say – as our Senior Pastor, Roger, is fond of saying - “the last 10%”… the had, uncomfortable truths we would sometimes rather skip over with an “I’m fine” sort of cop-out.
The Apostle Paul’s words in 2 Corinthians 1 have helped me find a way to do that. He begins in verse 8 by saying that he wanted the Corinthians to know (“we do not want you to be ignorant…”, he says) what he had experienced. Somehow, it would be helpful for them to know what the Apostle and his companions had gone through.
Paul speaks of the “affliction” he and his co-workers had experienced and how the burden of it was more than he could bear. It felt like a death sentence to him. Now, that, I can relate to.
In the weeks that followed the announcement of the layoffs (there were five of us in all who were laid off due to some pretty big budget cuts) I struggled with questions of life… purpose, meaning, value. I wondered if I had wasted the past twenty-five years in ministry. The words spoken as the layoffs were announced to the congregation were that the positions being cut were “not essential to our mission and vision” as a congregation. Those words haunted and wounded me for months. How could Pastoral Care not be essential to the ministry of a church? And,Pastoral Care was not just “my job” – it is how God has wired me. “Pastor” is not just a job description… it is who I am. So, if Pastoral Care is not essential, what does that say about me?
It felt like a death sentence.
And then, many of those who – in my mind and heart – should have been caring for me and my family as we continued to worship and serve in the congregation were nowhere to be found. For months. It hurt. It often felt as if we were dead and folks just didn’t know how to talk with or reach out to us… we made them uncomfortable.
In the midst of all this, though, God kept showing up. Sometimes through his people. Sometimes out of the blue.
It’s in those times that I see the rest of 2 Corinthians 1:9 alive in my life and my family’s life this year…
“…we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.”
(emphasis mine)
We have quite clearly seen God’s hand in this year. It has not always been easy to see, though. There have been times – I confess – that I quit looking for God and simply focused on my pain and struggle (see my last blog for more on that). Thankfully, those times of self-pitying didn’t last and the laments I spoke led to more trust in God. There have been times and events during this year that are clearly the hand of God moving on our behalf -
* our oldest son (now in college) received extra scholarships that covered his school year at a rather spendy private college
* our younger son has received scholarships to cover his tennis lessons all year (he finished his High School League season undefeated)
* because I was out of work this year, I was able to invest several weeks helping an uncle and cousin deal with a profound family tragedy in another state
* I was able to spend some time with my Mom after she had some surgery
* One church member has faithfully blessed us each month with a financial gift, while others have blessed us with grocery, restaurant, and coffee gift cards
* I have had the opportunity to help people with memorial services at the loss of their loved ones and weddings at the joining of two lives as one
Truly, an amazing year with an amazing God!
In verse 10, the Apostle goes on to say…
“He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again.”
I think he knew about this raising-the-dead-and-delivering-them quality of God’s character well before his difficult experiences in Asia. I’ve certainly known about it for many years before this one. I’ve preached multiple sermons on it over the years, for goodness sake! Yet, like the Apostle, I have learned it as far more than a theological assertion or a biblical precept. Through the affliction of this year, God’s grace and care – and resurrection power – is as real to me as anything in life and I trust it more than most things in life.
As this year comes to a close, the breath of new life fills my lungs. I have completed certification as a Professional Life Coach and am ready to extend that part of my twenty-five plus years of ministry beyond any one congregation to help people discover how to live more fully as the person God has created and called them to be. The Life Coaching seems a natural addition to eighteensix ministries along with this blog, some speaking opportunities and additional writing. Along with that, just in the past month, I have been offered – and accepted – a half-time position back at the church… as the Director of Pastoral Care/Pastor of Member Care.
In the past couple weeks, I have already begun to witness in my life what Paul glimpsed at in his…
“Many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many.”
For those of you who have prayed for my family and me, thank you. I hope all of you reading this will give God thanks on our behalf for all the blessings God has poured out on us. And, in case you are wondering – I know from experience – there is no better place to be than…
On the Potter’s Wheel.
